So, today…



I walk at my own
Pace and don’t try to keep up
With you anymore.




The foundational myth of my lifetime has always been The Pied Piper.


I was the child who could not keep up and was left behind. The loss felt excruciating. I never wanted to feel it again, so I strove to ‘keep up’ but believed in my heart of hearts that I couldn’t. And even at a very young age, I was also aware of a powerful irony embedded in the tale. It was the lame child, the one who couldn’t keep up, that survived to tell the tale. All the other children ‘disappeared’ along with the Piper.


And as I read the various versions of the myth today, it actually sounds like there may have been three children who could not keep up for one reason or another. One was lame, one was deaf (and could not hear the flute), and one was blind (so could not see where to go). They could not follow the charismatic, magical piper, and were saved.


I like that version and am coming to embrace it fully as my foundational myth — a tale of shared survival and triumph!

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November Lake



Peace and quiet here.
Nothing to do but tend this
Fire and hug this dog.

…yes, that’s snow. Yes, it’s windy. Yes, it’s cold…AND it’s perfect!


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Lesson in the Maple Grove



Now I walk around
The leaning trunk I used to
Bump my head on hard.



Years ago, a giant maple fell in our maple grove but was propped up enough that we could walk under it where it was still attached to the trunk.

Over the years, things slowly shifted until I had to duck in order to get under that obstacle. And sometimes I’d be talking or thinking, and would forget to duck.

BANG!

I mostly learned to be careful, but every once in a while, I’d still forget. Meanwhile, I also had to duck lower and lower to stay unharmed.

Finally, I realized that I needed to change my route and use a spot where I could step OVER the fallen tree, rather than trying to duck under it. And that’s made a huge difference, but it took me a very long time to take in the lesson.

It’s a lesson that reminds me of the old saw about the person who walks down the street and falls into a hole over and over again.

Here’s what Google shared with me about this:

The most well-known story about a person repeatedly falling into the same hole is the poem “Autobiography in Five Short Chapters” by Portia Nelson. The simple, powerful verses serve as an allegory for breaking harmful habits or destructive patterns in life.

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

Chapter I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost … I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

The following chapters detail the progression of the narrator’s experience with the hole.

Chapter II describes the narrator walking down the same street, pretending not to see the hole, and falling in again. They are surprised to be in the same place but still don’t accept responsibility, and it takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III shows the narrator walking down the same street, seeing the hole, and still falling in out of habit. However, with open eyes, they recognize where they are, accept fault, and get out immediately.

Chapter IV is brief, stating the narrator walks down the same street and walks around the hole.

Chapter V concludes the poem with the narrator walking down another street.

I don’t know if I’m on the same street and walking around the hole, or if I’ve chosen a different path. But I do know that I’m learning, making progress, and my head feels MUCH better!

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Remembering Dad




They were so young, our parents, when we were first cupped in their hands.





And yet I see from these photos that my father’s presence was a comforting thing for me.






In a brand new world, his quiet ‘thereness’ gave me something that I needed and something that has been sustaining.





There was nothing akin to that from my mother, whose presence was dazzling in its way, but essentially empty.

We were all dazzled. Stripping that away is the work of many years.

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September 1, 2025

It being the first of a new month, I thought I’d again share diary pages composed by ancestors through the years, starting with me.

Happy September, friends!

Let’s start with 9/1/21 from my 5-year Diary:

“Grey day…sick chicken that D and K had to put down. R and L picked up Freya today! She looks like a love!! Rainy PM — Canterbury Community Farmer’s Market and B-day songs for JBD there!”

Great Aunt Emma Murphy, September 1, 1945

“Very tired and languid all day. Hot. Clean, etc. a little. Supper to Kitchen Spigot. Very cool and breezy there. Evening putty front door and listen to surrender signing, the official one on board the SS Missouri. Truman makes short, fine speech afterward.”

Interesting that this entry was penned on 9/1/45. Everything I’ve read says that the war ended on 9/2/45. Aunt Emma wrote nothing about that on 9/2/45. I wonder if the time difference played into it all somehow…

Looked it up and, indeed: “News of the formal surrender ceremony on September 2, 1945, reached the U.S. East Coast on the evening of September 1, 1945, due to the time difference with Tokyo Bay. President Harry S. Truman announced the signing of the surrender documents in a radio address that night, declaring the next day, September 2, the official “V-J Day” for the U.S.”

Japanese Foreign Minister Mamoru Shigemitsu signs the Instrument of Surrender on behalf of the Japanese Government, on board USS Missouri (BB-63).

Ann Murphy Cornog Diary, September 1, 1943

I went to work this morn. Ruth and I ate a big lunch at Kingleds. The work was pretty heavy today. We sent out statements. I only stayed till 5:30. I ate a late supper and then we took a walk. We stopped up at Mochel’s. It was a beautiful day.

The house where she grew up.

Great Grandmother Emma Murphy’s Diary, September 1, 1908

“Busy day as usual. P.M. Purves and I go to the library and I do some errands. Get a book on electricity out of library for P and I see I shall be kept busy reading it to him. Call on Mrs. Swain but she is in bed with Tonsilitis. Great excitement because of purchase of new cow for $25 — a food cow but ——

Hoping you can decipher the missing word(s).

Here’s how Chat GPT transcribed the above:

“Busy day as usual. In P.M. Purves & I go to the library & do some errands. Put a book on electricity out of library for P. I see I shall be kept busy reading it to him. Call on Mrs. Swain, but she was into [Vanities?]. Great excitement because of purchase of new car for $25 – a good second hand sedan.”

Great Aunt Helen’s diary, September 1, 1954

“Beautiful day beginning. Boy who drves our car to —- does not like our trail. Prefers one from Ravine House. After 12:00 meet party coming down. (—) Rain begins. Man advises ‘Parapet Trail’ — less exposed to NW wind. Rain begins to worsen with a high wind. Can barely see from cairn to cairn. Get soaked. Nearly exhausted. Make hut at 5. Emma gets tea. I rub down, change into dry clothes and teeth chatter almost an hour after making shelter. E still trembling at supper has to drink soup from bowl. Dry clothes at stove.

What an adventure — and more words here and there that I couldn’t decipher.

Interesting to note Emma’s ‘trembling.’ She developed Parkinson’s disease later in life, and I wonder if this was a foreshadowing. Growing up, I remember her ‘trembling’ quite vividly and her increasing difficulty with eating.

Here’s how Chat GPT transcribed the above entry:

“Wed 1954 – Beautiful day beginning. Dog wagon drives our car to Blue House, dols mit line on trails, presters thru Ravine House. After 12:00 am at [???] (Parapet Trail, less exposed). Rain begins 1:30 pm, passed to N.W. wind. Rain begins to worsen, wind high + wind. Can barely see for cairn to cairn. Get soaked, nearly exhausted. Mushy.

“Hot at 5. E gets tea, I rub dry, change into dry undies + shirt. Tie damp (managed to get 30a head). Teeth chatter almost out of hand after making shelter. E still trembles. Jig pot soup—has to drink soup. Find our dry clothes at stove.”

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New Day, Almost New Month, New Beginning

The last of August, and I’m taking a moment to catch up with myself as I pause before looking ahead to September:

  • I’m in my third of the Booker Long List books, and so far it’s my favorite. Love Forms by Claire Adam was my first read, and I felt engaged but not enthralled. Honestly, I couldn’t quite get the comparisons to Elizabeth Strout. But maybe it was me. My second read was Audition by Katie Kitamura, and I felt disoriented and put off by it. It was a very internal book, but I never really felt let in. And again, maybe it was me. Now I am reading Misinterpretation by Ledia Xhoga. At this point, I am bringing a certain amount of wariness to this entire enterprise, but so far, Misinterpretation feels more engaging and accessible to me, even though the title would imply otherwise.
  • As well, I have been listening to All’s Well by Mona Awad. It’s a novel about a theatre professor and centers around an exploration of her debilitating pain and the healthcare establishment’s denial about so much of it. I only listen to it when I’m driving, so it’s half-hour snippets at most — and it definitely affects the rest of my reading life.
  • I think I am looking forward to the Booker shortlist coming out. That will be on Tuesday, September 23, and maybe I’ll have a couple more read before then — and fewer books left on my list going forward.
  • Football season starts on Thursday with a match-up between the Super Bowl-winning Eagles and the hapless Cowboys. I have selected the lucky T-shirt that I will wear for all games, so long as the birds keep winning. (Hint: It’s got the number and name of a beloved former tight end on it.)
  • I’ve decided that I need to ride my stationary bike more (which would be any number of minutes greater than zero) this coming month. I’ll use this blog to stay accountable.

My reading experience may not be helped by the fact that I’m taking care of 3 energetic dogs at the moment. We take many walks, and I tend to be falling asleep after @ 15-minutes of reading (if I’m lucky). One of those dogs got groomed yesterday and is feeling pretty spiffy at the moment. (And no, she isn’t the photo on the left, although it’s kinda close!)

So, September 1 is the day my parents got married — an event that bore mixed results. But I am essentially glad that it happened, or I’d not be writing this. Whether it brings specific changes or not, the arrival of a new month always feels worth marking. And this year, September arrives with a number of changes beyond the start of school and fantasy football. And they’ve sparked some anxiety for me. ‘Nuff said.

I’ve been thinking about anxiety lately — MY anxiety — which has been a somewhat surprising discovery for me. I used to think of myself as easy-going. (I used to think of my father that way, too.) Neither thought is accurate.

Aware of it now, I see how often I anticipate things with anxiety. It could be big things/big changes in my life, or it could be things like a work meeting, or any kind of ‘appointment,’ or even walking up a steep hill. Will I be able to do whatever-it-is this time?

And it’s been interesting to see how closely my anxiety is tied to my breathing. And to learn how much self-talk can help me through anything!

I’m sure there will be more on this as September unfolds. Am I anxious about the Eagles vs. Dallas? You bet. The next new thing? Of course. Getting on that exercise bike? Uh-huh.

To be continued…

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Inspired

Yes, inspired by a friend who always sets very high goals for herself (you know who you are), I am jumping in with both feet. It’s a first for me (jumping into anything with both feet). But here I am, starting now and aiming to read the entire Booker Long List.

My first read will be Love Forms because with a description like the following from The Times, I could not resist: “Reads like a Claire Keegan story expanded by Elizabeth Strout.”

Here’s the long list if you are interested. Wish me luck (and Big Al, keep an eye on our Kindle).

Misinterpretation

Seascraper

Flesh

Endling

The Land in Winter

The Rest of Our Lives

Audition

The Loneliness of Sonia and Sunny

Flashlight

One Boat

Universality

The South

Love Forms

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Untethered

Irish Sea


I have a place in
The Universe. And that’s for
All eternity.





It looks like I wrote this back in early November 2024. As I sit with it now, I realize that I need to breathe and take it in more deeply than I have.

Much, much more deeply.

None of us is tethered, though we yearn to be. And this is a tough fact to take in. We continually strive to attach meaning to things, to pin things down, to find and sustain a solid ‘place’ in the universe.

How is it possible to at once be untethered and have a place?

I know I have felt it from time to time, but not for a while.

It’s surely worth finding my way back. So okay, time to start again!

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Truly, Madly, Deeply



To appreciate
Fully, the journey you’ve had,
You must love yourself.

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On Our Walk Today…



Casey was afraid
Of a feather, and I take
That as a lesson.

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